I was supposed to have a late birthday party in my backyard, today. Then I got word that it was going to rain and that we were all going to die, anyway. So needless to say, my party has been postponed indefinitely.
According to the bible, May 21st is the day of the rapture. I don’t feel like its fair to bluntly tease the Christians for putting so much of their time and money into this campaign. (I just marveled over the classic web design they had a pastors son create). Being raised a Catholic, I can say that although I don’t take the thought of Jesus sucking people up into the clouds very seriously, I can understand where there may have been a miscommunication. The bible is no better than a teenage daughter with a blooming social life. So vague and passive aggressive when you ask ANYTHING!
The term “the Rapture” refers to the action of “being caught up in”. A term that was just taken a bit too literally. I personally enjoy living here and don’t know if I’m ready to have this guy come back after thousands of years and take some things I love away from me! Instead, why doesn’t he just take away some of the nuisances on earth and leave us with an overall better world?
If you could have some the rapture take something away, what would it be? For me it would be:
- Diablo Cody
- banana flavored everything
- people who openly sobbed over Michael Jacksons death
- Fritos chips.
- the word abbreviation F.T.W. and F.M.L.
- people who use the term”fuck my life”
- whoever thought thick plastic packaging for a new pair of scissors was a brilliant idea
- Dora the Explorer
- whatever “dubstep” is
- the asshole who created Nextel phones
- airport ticketing cops
- all men who wear fedoras and weren’t born in Cuba in the 1930′s
- all men who own a flat iron
- those really cool girls who always need to let you know that they don’t get along with girls.
- anyone who makes a voice that resembles that of a South Park character
I would also not be offended if the Rapture took away the band The Rapture and replaced the popularity that they got with better bands like Menomena.