The End.

21st May 2011

I was supposed to have a late birthday party in my backyard, today. Then I got word that it was going to rain and that we were all going to die, anyway. So needless to say, my party has been postponed indefinitely.

According to the bible, May 21st is the day of the rapture. I don’t feel like its fair to bluntly tease the Christians for putting so much of their time and money into this campaign. (I just marveled over the classic web design they had a pastors son create). Being raised a Catholic, I can say that although I don’t take the thought of Jesus sucking people up into the clouds very seriously, I can understand where there may have been a miscommunication. The bible is no better than a teenage daughter with a blooming social life. So vague and passive aggressive when you ask ANYTHING!

The term “the Rapture” refers to the action of “being caught up in”.  A term that was just taken a bit too literally. I personally enjoy living here and don’t know if I’m ready to have this guy come back after thousands of years and take some things I love away from me! Instead, why doesn’t he just take away some of the nuisances on earth and leave us with an overall better world?

If you could have some the rapture take something away, what would it be? For me it would be:

  • Diablo Cody
  • banana flavored everything
  • people who openly sobbed over Michael Jacksons death
  • Fritos chips.
  • the word abbreviation F.T.W. and F.M.L.
  • people who use the term”fuck my life”
  • whoever thought thick plastic packaging for a new pair of scissors was a brilliant idea
  • Dora the Explorer
  • whatever “dubstep” is
  • the asshole who created Nextel phones
  • airport ticketing cops
  • all men who wear fedoras and weren’t born in Cuba in the 1930′s
  • all men who own a flat iron
  • those really cool girls who always need to let you know that they don’t get along with girls.
  • anyone who makes a voice that resembles that of a South Park character
  • Mogwai
  • umbrellas

I would also not be offended if the Rapture took away the band The Rapture and replaced the popularity that they got with better bands like Menomena.

Oh Joy! (the birthday edition)

12th May 2011

Photo by Jeremy Bolm

Giving inanimate objects face lifts

Looking for waterfalls and finding boulders

Friends who will climb, jump, and make me laugh
Driving to the beach
Birthday notes! (thanks Jorge!)

birthday cards from fellow font snobs

Birthday wishes from babies!

Waking up early and reading outside before the street and neighbor sounds start for the day.

impromptu bedroom ice cream parties

Hiding from the sun in silly suits

being able to walk around barefoot

Boozed up kangaroos

death metal graffiti

Jumping

good mexican food

Waiting for trains to pass in the middle of nowhere

Having a food truck pot luck, from Din Din A Go Go

Tours of Burbank. (why yes, that IS the house from Fresh Prince of Bel Air)

My ridiculous family

Photobooths!

Counting down the days until my other half arrives!

Harassing James until he does the same!!!


Unlucky lunches and the life lessons learned from them

26th April 2011

I used to never look forward to going to restaurants. Beyond the fact that I was an extremely frugal individual, I had this….problem. I was too unlucky to be a blissful foodie.

There was always something wrong with my dining experiences. Not your well known and feared “ew, your cook shaved his beard into my lukewarm soup” kind of problem but much much smaller ones that I only started noticing after people I dined with would bring it to my attention.

For instance: Lets say all I wanted in my belly; in my life; was a waffle. I would seek out a diner with a waffle option. I wouldn’t even look at the menu and as the waiter comes to ask “are you ready to or-” I would quietly (yet joyously) say with my fists clenched and excitingly beginning to thrust into the air “yes!” as if I was 90 year old woman calling out “BINGO”.

At this point, chances are, more often than not, one of the three things will happen:

  1. My waffle would come piled with fruits on top, despite the fact that this was NOT in the description. This fruit party almost always includes my one and only eatable arch enemy. The banana.  At which point, if I were to take it back to have a banana-free waffle, I would get my waffle back cold, with a soggy caved in center that is now dyed red and blue from the fruits that once occupied the space. I’ve known enough people in the service industry to know that to take this waffle back for a SECOND time is like asking for a side of maple syrup and a wad of phlegm
  2. I get brought a stack of pancakes with an insincere “sorry” on behalf of a broken waffle iron.
  3. My meal, the simplest one at the table, will curiously and unsettlingly take the longest to make it to me. By the time it gets sent out, everyone else is nearly done eating. (I dare you to find someone that eats at a slower pace than I do.)

Now, I am fully aware that this is not such a big deal and you feel like you’ve wasted far too much time just reading about my white girl problems but this happens all the time! Everything I’ve just listed has happened. And thats just waffles!! I’ve had things like this happen at almost every place I go with nearly every meal I have. For a foodie, it goes from a funny little bump in my day to full on Chinese Water Torture!

Along with the fact that I can’t even pull as much as a dime from a slot machine, the problems I have with eating out, are the clearest signs that I am just not one of those people who has luck. In a sense, it’s like a cloud over my head.

Another strange thing I seem to realize about myself: It seems that no matter where I fly to, I get off the plane and walk right into rain storm of some type. Its been happening this way for quite some time now and the only thing I can seem to associate it with is those cartoons where a rain cloud is just trailing a mopey persons head. In this case, its me and my umbrella hating, nappy haired, blonde, unlucky head!

My landing in Burbank the other night, was no different. It was cold and rainy. The plane landed late and I couldn’t find the person who was supposed to pick me up. I was sick with a lung and sinus infection and I’m sure flying at all was not the best idea.

Landing into the typically mildly weathered and dry Southern California, reminded me that things may not be going my way for a while.

Proven true during my first meal since my sickness has subsided and my appetite has come back with vengeance! I was told of a burger joint that was voted “the best” by some self important Los Angeles thing. I was drawn to it because their burgers could be served with lettuce instead of bread. You can’t fuck up this order because its one of those places where you simply mark off the options you’d like, as if it were the SATS of food.

You’re no longer just placing an order. Noooo, no. You’re now marking off the personaly correct answers and the inevitable reward of an A+, would be this burger that is made to your idea of perfection! Excited, I ordered this de-breaded burger and waited patiently, with a friend. When our orders came, I was given a cheese burger between to halves of a massive bun. No lettuce.

I mentioned something to my server along the lines of “whahappen to lettuce..bread…waaah” To respond, my meal was taken from me, DEconstructed to stuff shredded lettuce between the once melted cheese and bun. REconstructed from that and sent back to my table looking like it had just walked out of the room from a good game of bumpin’ uglies. I stared at the room temperature burger, looked up at my friend who was defending me out loud for the misreading of my order, sighed and just ate the damn thing while plucking most of the bun away as I went. ‘Ottering’ my burger, some would say. It was pretty damn good.

My birthday is coming up in May. I’ll be 26. I feel like every year of my 20′s, I’ve not learned something new as much as I’ve let go of the stubbornness of something I’ve already known but have no power to change. (Funnily enough, I don’t know how to say that without sounding stubborn)

This year I think learning that I will just never have the kind of luck that I hope for in life and that I’m going to have to work far more than I ever have before, is what I’m coming to not only except but embrace.

So for my birthday, I’m expecting nothing less than a banana creme pie presented to me at my rained out pool party.

Bring it, misfortune.

Luck all ran out by Sondre Lerche
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Why, hello!

18th April 2011

Photo by Bee Jellyfish

BOO! I’ve gone missing! Well…sort of….

Not to assume a majority of people are interested in knowing my personal business (nor do I find a real itch to share all of it) but I have gotten some friendly emails asking where I’ve gone.

In short heres the turn of events that I’ve gone through in April, thus far:

  • I moved out of my much loved loft space, and parted ways with my much loved room mate and our much loved internet

My previously mentioned and loved room mate James

  • FedEx moved my material life over to Los Angeles and JetBlue gave me another month to soak up the things I love about New York and rub in my face (along with my grandmother) that this cross country move may be a very wreck less quality-of-life decision.
  • For the month of April, I have had no internet connection from the couch I temporarily live on.
  • The only thing that seems to connect me to the world of 1′s and 0′s is the Twitter app on my phone
  • Turns out that I hate Twitter. I hate when friends retweet peoples replies to their mundane posts, as if to show off something that they can’t seem to see is completely insignificant to someone that IS NOT THEM! I hate waiting 3 minutes for a 3G network to load a link to decipher a cryptic message, only to find that it is a picture of a cat.
  • So with that being said, I have stopped looking at my phone, and  started running errands by walking around the city and absorbing as much of it as I can.
  • I’ve been spending every available moment with whoever I can, because there is no way to fill the void that there will be once they’re not in my daily life anymore.
  • I gave Charlie, my dog, to my grandmother because the thought of taking someone she loves away from her, along with me, is just too heartbreaking.

Being away from the internet has given me so many creative ideas. I can’t wait to share them, once I’m more settled in my new place, in May! Until then, here’s some photos taken durring my month of absence. a self portrait from my room, on one of my last days in my loft

Inside this bag is another bag, which held a shoe box, which held Alfie (my 3 year old snakes) body. He died  in an accident involving too much heat, under the care of a snake sitter. He had a viking burial. Bee and I held a service and sent him out into the East River.

I have never seen one of my closest friends, Smo, work so hard on anything the way hes worked on the animation for the second season of the Adult Swim show SuperJail. It has been airing on Sunday nights since the beginning of April.

We’re all really proud of him. (photo by Genavieve White)

Thanks for taking the jumping photo above, and for letting me post this embarrassing moment of yours

Don’t worry. Now Genavieve jumps with more caution…and head gear

After losing my phone to the pits of my bag several times a day, I went to a friend in Chinatown and asked her to make me an iPhone case that wouldn’t blend in with my things and get lost. Mission accomplished. I haven’t misplaced the damn thing once, and every time I answer my phone in public, I get looked at as if I’ve stolen a teenage girls phone, from Harlem. LOVE it!

I’m really going to miss New York and all of the grime and venerability that it has offered me as inspiration.


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